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byron katie
June 2009 
Lesson learned again
HeyOK
Some great videos garnered from the holosync pod. Very timely for me...
I’ll try to make this brief (hee heee).
Folks I’ve been having (making) a difficult time of getting along with a coworker lately. Issues with coworkers are nothing new right? Like family we don’t get to choose who the company hires to work with us. Of course working nights when you’re literally alone with another person for 8 hours listening to each other breathe it is much, much worse - right...???
Oh woe is me... the drama!
I’m gonna call my coworker Beth. Name changed to protect the innocent. Friends may know who Beth really is AND it’s not about Beth it’s about me.
My biggest problem with Beth is that she makes up her mind how the world is and then tries to force the world, including me and my reality, into fitting her view. When she asks a question the only answer possible is the one that affirms her view. All other answers result in the question being rephrased and restated ad nauseam. We’ve danced around and around this issue. It drives me batty!!!!!!!
The Situation: Beth’s daughter makes a huge pile of cookies for the holidays and Beth brings a HUGE platter of them to work too share. Nice huh? It is nice. It’s wonderful!
I’m not into Christmas or cookies. I’m not a big sweet eater... some folks call this a blessing. 99% of the time I’ll pass when offered cake, pie, cookies, bars, etc. It’s just not something I want or earn for. Beth is very aware of this after several years working with me. I think she should be at least.
Somehow last year I must have mentioned I enjoyed a raspberry filled bar she brought. She said, “remember that raspberry filled bar you loved?” I replied, “No, I don’t.” This interaction was many weeks ago. In the build up for Christmas as Beth’s daughter is baking nothing more was said to me directly yet umpteen times I heard Beth tell others how DAVID JUST LOVES THE RASPBERRY BARS!!!!! What? I don’t even remember them.
So finally the night comes and in comes Beth with a HUGE platter of treats and my heart sinks. I DON”T WANT TO EAT A RASPBERRY BAR EVEN TO BE NICE!
I turn to a friend for advice. He says, “eat the goddamn cookie!” UUUGGHHHHH!!!! That’d be a lie. I think I lied last year and that’s what got me in this mess. Yes it’s only one cookie but I don’t want it. I don’t want to take it home in a napkin and appease her on the surface and then throw it away. Beth IS CRAZY! THIS Isn’t Fair. WHY MEEEEE? I know it’s just a cookie. UUUGGGHHH!!!!
Piles of energy devoted folks. PILES. I was certain how this future interaction would be based on the interactions from the past! I was certain! See anything about the present in that?
Molehill turned not only into a mountain but a whole range of impassable peaks.
Finally... I returned to the reality I want to live. I cannot change Beth. She is offering a gift. She will reflect what I project. It’s up to me to decide how this goes.
So instead of waiting for her to mention the bars I supposedly love I started with a compliment about how wonderful the platter of goodies looked and how nice that was for her and her daughter to share. (No lie there). I was ready to say how I was unsure if I’d have one and it wasn’t necessary. Simply by letting go of my certainty the interaction would be horrible that was all there was. Beth received deserved thanks and that was it. We had a great night together working. I found a win – win – win! It’s possible and I can do it again.
AND it all starts with me. I’m the one who can choose to open my heart. Others will follow.
Access: Public
Way to work your Love Ninja Powers!!
Hey Dave…I can understand how you feel and that you need to live your truth.
I see a person who is trying to please in a way she feels is “nourishing” ..and perhaps ole Beth likes you a tad more than you may think…
:)
Aley
Hey hey all…
Darren: Yes that's the recurring lesson. Realizing it's all love - ALL of it! AND realizing I have to make a choice to open and see that every second.
Sacred C()W: hee hee so nice to see you here. It is a sort of internal martial arts isn't it. Practice makes perfect!
Aley: I was just thinking I needed to give you a shout out… I still have this vision of you driving through a snowstorm for eternity… uugh.
As is so often the case you are “spot on”. What you said is so true too.
My friend kept saying “she's a mom, this is what she does, eat the GD cookie,” and I was like a little kid - arms crossed, lip out, foot stomping (literal foot stomping), – “I don't want the cookie.” My joy was I found another way to be grateful for what was offered and not have a cookie.
The lesson will continue and become more subtle until it's learned.
Thanks all, Blessings, David
Much like todays Friday inspiration quote from Zaadz.
Oh, what synchronicity! Not only did I just change my status report to what it currently is before clicking on your blog – I also really needed to freshen up on debunking old thought patterns. …..Especially about one poster who keeps trying to make me a better woman according to his “puny, pedestrian, authoritarian, bullshit ideas because the idiot wants to actually seduce me into loving him, for crying out loud!!!” Anyway, those were my thoughts… and I still believe them… just a bit less than before and laughing at myself while letting them disperse right now…
Oh dear, here's to gratitude for help and honesty. And a happy, awakened new beginning to all.
m
Capture that moment….
Mascha (along with the rest of the world) is / was learning something old newly. And again, I forget…
Perfect. I had a teacher who always quoted his grandmother…, “there's nothing new under the sun except what's been forgotten.”
Don't you think it somehow gets more subtle as time goes on though… that old spiral. Same place yet maybe a little different level?
Blessings, David
Yes, David. Within ourselves we can easily observe upward spirals into further expansions of consciousness, into ever increasing subtlety and more refined abstraction - as well as those downward spirals into further numbness, contraction, density, frozenness in materiality.
Meanwhile, what your teacher's grandmother said: ”There's nothing new under the sun except what has been forgotten,” holds just as true as Heraclitus' famous insight, “You can't step into the same river twice.” At the center - which is everywhere - the union of opposites reigns. That King in constant union with his Queen: ShivaShakti spins and rests supreme.
Embracing paradoxes, sometimes reluctantly…
m
Ahh yes.
Whew! PILES of energy devoted! I know just how much a 'pile of energy' is! You sure don't want to step in it cuz you ain't got boots tall enough for that pile David! LOL
Next time I want to invest a 'pile' of energy into something I want to remember to make it an 'important' something. I think I'm going to try and work that one in to my New Year's list!
How to Win Friends and Influence Others by some Andrew/Dale something or other Carnegie guy is a good book to read if you're needing a different perspective or approach to that co worker! It's very enlightening!
So you stayed calm………
and Calm is contagious.
Well done.
Uhh, that's a good one for me:
Calm is contagious.
Though not virulent, aye!
So great to see / read this. My last blog (”Afraid of War?”) included 3 videos of Byron Katie working in Israel. Stunning stuff isn't it.
I loved reading your personal process with this… wow.. feels really good over here, as if I'm affected positively by your process.
Love,
Sandra
Hello to all and thanks… one moment at a time right?
Though to add yet another layer of flavoring to the stew…
I've been reading and thinking lately about individual process - specifically related to peoples actions/reactions to politics in the U.S. and effects on the world. Meandering between individuals need to do more and I can only do what I do without judging others.
Hmmm… where am I going with this? So… I'm saying starting with a sense of centered calm so you can best assess your options is good. Then sometimes the best option might be to hit the streets or the phone screaming “danger, danger”. If we all keep reacting so calmly to travesty how will a change come about.
I think I may be answering my own question as I type yet will hit the “add” button now anyway.
Blessings to all -
David
Would love to hear your further musings on this, David. There's a thread over on the Gaia pod that is attempting to speak to this issue – it began on What will Zaadzsters call themselves? Play the game! (towards the end) & then Zak posted a separate thread called A Call to Arms.
Love,
Sandra
Here in the Northwest we call those people yelling, “Danger, Danger”, 'Activists'. Some add the word 'Wacko's'. I've observed people on both the crazy right side of the Activist line and the crazy left side of the Activist line for about 20 years now. (I live in a town full of them!) What I've decided is that it takes the extremes to bringing questions that need to be pondered and answered to the conciousness of the everyday people in the middle. That's most of us. Not many are willing to stand on a street corner with signs that scream, Danger, Danger!
My mother stood on the street corner for Women in Black against war in general and the war in Iraq specifically. While many people looked at her as a crazy wacko activist I believe that it's the tree sitters, the people trying to 'live off the grid', the people who question how two people are able to marry or not marry depending on their gender, the people on the for and against sides of the abortion extremes, the people who are standing up for something, those people bring us face to face with issues. The working class, nose to the grindstone, over worked, under rested, middle of the road people don't look up to see these things until it's too late.
There's a place for all of us in this. I don't see myself standing on a street corner with a sign or traveling to another state or country to defend or show my support of the things I believe in. At least not yet. I do see myself supporting the actual 'activists' with email to representatives, personal encouragement, and a Honk when I agree with the corner signs. David, if you end up 'out there' count me in as a 'supporter' and make sure you blog the outcome!
Remember, recycling wasn't the 'rage' until some activist wackos spent a decade on the fringe putting the message in our face!
This was a great post for me. Thank you! The videos applying “The Work” to relationships and my job was hugely helpful. As a Project Manager, I work with diverse teams. The beauty of it is that it helps the overall project to come up with the best results. I watched the second video before work today to remind me to stay open to everyone's point of view and wisdom. When I do that it adds so much to creating team harmony and resolving issues creatively.
Deep Bow!
z